反正我也不理

心跳加速，学会了的事，那少人的街。

陌生的小巷，回头的刹那。
跳动着的树叶，滴答滴答雨水，

电脑呼呼的叫着，脚步声，盘碗声。

那潮湿的泥巴，沉重的书本。
腐烂了的肉碎，霉味很重的房间。
红青黄叶，冰冷的洋灰墙。
干燥的沙滩，甜而带酸的蛋糕。

刺痛的肌肉，高傲的态度。
智慧，以及兴趣。
感动，悲哀。

沸腾的茶，冰冷咖啡。

The Dream

It starts with a lovely wave...

Sailing through the sea....
It was cold, very cold. And I'm well aware of that.
It's so quiet but so loud at the same time.
Screaming and Vibrations slash through the quiet night, though I know it's still a still night.
Starry starry night. I feared that once I shut my eyes, the drama will continue. And yet by keeping awaken, the nightmare doesn't stop as well. Driven by despair, I decided to ran to that wonderland, once again.

The hole is deep..all I saw is void and calamity. and BAM!
It starts..

with a lovely wave...
on a ship...
with a thousand lobsters and a great buffet.
with the rich white man, and his loyal asian wife.
I dined in, feared that my identity as a foreigner is exposed.
They jumped in to the sea, which is reasonable as this is summer holiday.
Summer holiday??
well...seems like I started to blend in to this mess.

What I learnt at my job

A sound is comprised of a mixture of a lot of sound waves in different frequencies. Those we could hear are from 20 Hz to 20 kHz. So there are quite a number of frequencies in the audible range. All these frequencies are a single oscillation pattern of the particles, so each frequency is like a singularity.

Let's put it this way. Mr. 440 Hz is a hardworking man. He works everyday, never misses a single day, he regularly takes a vacation on 7th July till 10th July to Mallorca, He has a konstant pattern of life, and he's in the middle class of his society. He doesn't hurts, but it's really monotonous. A single frequency sound is what we call monotone. Have you heard a 440 Hz sinus sound wave? It's that sound that comes out at the 90s, when you switched on the TV's at the 90s, and the broadcaster has nothing to display anymore except this:

That's monotone. 

Now if Mr. 440 Hz meets Mr. 450 Hz, Miss 1000 Hz or many many other frequency, they started to form a mixture of tons. That's what we call sound. But if they all are just busy with themselves and doing stuffs their own in different phases and time interval, you have what we call noise. Cuz a noise comprised of tons in different phases moving in a random pattern. 

Now if they start moving together with each other in an orderly manner and in phase, each with their own role in each given time interval, that's when we have a harmonic sound. 

It's quite astonishing though in some sense because that's just how the nature and a society work. Everyone just taking care of themselves and we have chaos. Everyone helping each other and we start having a functioning society.

That's what I learnt at the acoustic lab.

Music

Yeah. It comes to this. I like music. Despite my horrifying lack of talent and taste in this field. But it's no crime to like something as long as I'm not doing any public performance or conversation with people in this field right?

I mean...It's not like I don't listen to music or dislike music in my past. But I guess I liked music just the way it is and how I perceive it. It's just plainly sensory and acoustically. And then one day I started to learn guitar. It was always been an on and off thingy, sometimes I learn it, and then I ignore it for another century before I start dusting out the guitar and play it again.

But since my internship started, I got my free time with still a portion of effective productivity time as well, so I go ham on learning guitar. At first it was all standard dusting procedure, like strumming randomly on some chords. Then I started with Ronan Keating's : When you say nothing at all. a friend taught me tho. it was all fun and stuffs. most of the time I'm just enjoying how the process of pressing those strings makes my finger tips painful and rough (masochist and sadist me ;) ). That feeling when you rub your rough fingertips is indescribable.

Then again, I enjoyed it too when I realized that in order to play the guitar effectively, you have to actually sing along to make the melody start making sense. It's kinda like cooking :D where you have all your fucking sauce and shits, but to make it all make sense, you need the true ingredients like meat or fish. And your singing is therefore the meat and fish while your melody from the guitar is the seasoning. No Chopin or Beethoven though. I just LOVEE things that when threw together works sweet and fine like cooking, machines and now music (I guess lol).

I love things that makes a good story. Like history, travelling, old people, old stuffs. So I guess a motivation for me to understand lyrics? hoho I dunno.

Tschuess und Gute Nacht.

父母爷爷的年代

放空了这么久，过了快一年一上的单身生活后

发现单身其实没那么难。

但也不会好过。

只是纯粹的不难。

偶尔看着一对情侣在亲吻，会想象着自己若是身在其中那该多浪漫。

偶尔看着一对老夫妇，会很羡慕那历经沧桑，成熟了的感情。

看着看着，总是会发呆，就想着，若是自己身在那年代，那该多好。。

那年代，他们没有哎风没有三松，可是生活比我们规律得多。

他们没有微信没有watsapp,可是朋友感情一样坚固。

他们穷，可是精神上不穷。

我们什么都有，却也同时什么都没有。

结婚，对他们来说，是个责任，是个付出。

我们结婚，要post上面子书给全世界人知道。

食物对他们来说，很重要，要尊重。

食物，对我们来说，要post上instagram。

什么时候我们的生活，变得这么的依赖别人对我们的看法？

为什么我们的一举一动，都变得必须让外人来观察审判，然后对我们做出一些对我们人生毫无意义他们个人说了也算的批评？也许是这新的名气时代，让我们成了社交网站的奴隶。

而我，告诉自己每一天，

我想要过的生活，是那充满意义的时代，

是那拥有信仰和原则的时代，

是那相信自己，并贡献和负责任的时代。

我知道我正一步一步的往那方面前进。

慢，比任何人都慢，

可是我知道我会抵达目的地。

所以，这单身嘛，也变得不难过。

也许我还没准备好自己。

一个更好的自己。

飞

流失

随着时间的流逝，我慢慢的感觉到那流失的一切。
日子就这样一天一天的过去，
而身边曾经很珍惜的事情，慢慢的也变得无所谓了。
最让我伤感的，却莫过于身边那渐渐离开我的人。身边曾经拥有那值得珍惜的一切，
随着时间的流逝，也变得无所谓了。
曾经在自己生命中困难的时候站在身边奋斗的朋友，离开啦。
就这样一个一个的，离开了。
虽然有新的朋友，伴随着的，却是失去。是不是每个新的来临，伴随着的都是旧的流去？

回往过去那属于我们的天空，现在看回去，也不过是回忆。
原来曾经值得珍惜的一切，现在都只是回忆。。

还留下来的，毕竟是家人。可家人人在马来西亚，也不能随时伴随着我，而更让我害怕的是，我的家人，又能陪我到何时呢？
最讨厌就是那失去的感觉。。从小到大就没变过。
妈妈丢了的臭枕头，死硬就是要从那垃圾桶检回来，心想那臭枕头应该也不喜欢被抛弃吧。
不知我曾经离开过的人，会是什么想法呢？

心很痛。。
这分手后的期间，最难过的时期，原来不只是被抛下的当下，
原来之后的每一天，那要继续强颜欢笑的过下去的每一天，竟也可以如此难受。

曾经认识要好的朋友，一个意外，竟把一切的一切都忘了。
曾经在一起的知己，在不知头绪的情况下，也把我从朋友当中删除了。
一直都认为是那一卦的朋友群，因为距离，也因为时间，被冲淡了，也失去了朋友。
当年的兄弟老友干哥，都因为距离时差，也不再在意了。
我有个朋友，他说，做人要知足常乐，不容易。
真的很难。虽说自己是要庆辛可以在外国念书，可是有时不免要问问自己，值得吗？
交了好几年的朋友，就这样被冲淡了。也不需要理由。
爱人更不用说，说来就来说走就走，不需要理由。。我开始问我自己，我，在干吗？

忙了一整天，最害怕就是这段在家里闲着没事做的事段。
对啦，我喜欢做好多事情。可当这种考试的日子一来到，我会开始彷徨无助。
有时会怀疑，到底，我走对了吗？

随着一杯咖啡一杯茶，还真希望它们这次能伴我走过这最难过的日子。这是分手以来，开始要独自面对世界的时段。一个人的世界。

Tee und Kaffee.

Work

I guess there's no need to work for now,
since I'm going to work soon enough?

After considering quite a while, I guess it would be wise for me to invest my time in learning some new languages and stuffs, instead of working. =D.

Yeah money is cool...
But I don't really earn that much either...
so yeah..I guess spanish is better

青春？

呼。。。
今天这一篇可有得说了。。
今天正如往常，星期四是派对夜，所以想去跳跳舞聊聊天。
跳啊跳的，忽然有两个男的插入我们的圈子，尝试钓我们的妹。
但之所以妹对他们没兴趣，所以就给我朋友阻挡了。
戏来了，两个男的对立了起来，冲突一发不可收拾。
不懂是酒精还是义气，我看我朋友一个人要面对两个，想也不想就冲上去助阵了。

结果人家大我两倍，捉着我脖子要掐我。
我手一挥，把他那脏手打走，推了他，结果他又更出力的推回我。
双目对望，
眼看就要一发不可收拾。
之后来了保安，把场面稳住了些。
呼。。。

之后想了想，我这样是真的太冲动和无脑了。
可是有时，我真的做不到不讲义气，丢下朋友去死。
而且感觉上，男人，一生中，一定会有场不可不打的架，
要去争取，去努力，才能赢回自己的自尊。
男人没有自尊，不像女生，还可以活得好好的。
男人一旦没了自尊，是活不下去的。

觉得我今天真的是有点脑残，
却又有莫名的兴奋。
喝。。累死了。。

茶啊茶，你是我最忠心的人。

The light in the sky

No matter what happened,
I'm at the end of the sky,
always ready to be by your side.
Just tell me.

The dawn after the dark, shine across the street.
And I'm sure, that beside the end of the skyline lies a better future with a greater hope.
look past your doubts, and don't feel lonely, because you are loved.
You are blessed.
Just say the word, and I'm the one who will help you.
And not just me, but everyone.

You don't have to say either,
they are at your side, everyday, every night,
every second.
Whenever you have nightmares,
whenever you felt lonely,
we are right there.

I saw the light shooting across the dark sky.
It's so clear, just like the moonlight shining upon the sea in Cheratin.
Where you and I sitting on that beach,
talking about hopes and dreams.
like a little child.

Go, fly and pursue your dream,
so will I.

with a coffee, I end my story.

Some things

I'm gonna wake up everyday at 6 and go to FH at 7.30am everyday starting from tomorrow!

No coffee and tea for two days

Trying to get a hang on to myself.
I almost being consumed by my own hatred and vengeance.
And then..ironically...you and my memories saved me.

Reminiscing the little moments we had, savouring the little sweetness oozing out of our memories.
Just realized that we really shared a lot of moments.
Your 20 birthday in Sunway, where I bought you a cake, and gave you a cover in Friday's.
Our hang outs in the park.
Your valentine's cake for me.
We've been through a lot.
but I understand, he is a better man.
I finally have no regrets.
but with a firm grip in my hand,
I tell myself I'll be a better man.

All these memories started to fade away..
but the feelings are still firm.
And somehow this feeling makes me feel better.
and not letting the hate and unhappiness consume me.
I understand that these memories, will remain as memories forever.
I just pray that you never forget it.
will you??
I hope you won't...
Tell me if you see this.

Time passed...
wounds heal...
And all I can wish for..
Is you two to be happy forever.
I wish you happy.
I wish you too, happy.

Happy birthday to myself..

-lalallalala-

Swarmed

just figured out that I shouldn't be used or exploited by you anymore because it only causes misery to myself..and won't really cheer you up that much as well.
I'm done being your distraction,
and your atm as well.
Might as well start loving myself a little bit more.

Grüß
Fei

Alternatives

Hmmm..
My shits still can't seem to fade after all these times.
I guess a different approach is needed on this case.
I know what is the main reason that I can't sleep.
But since she's not gonna come back to me anymore,
might as well try to solve the not sleeping problem instead of solving the "she-not-coming-back" problem.
A warm milk is my first attempt.

At first I was thinking of binge eating and alot of movie,
but then again it occurs to me that it is not worthy at all to destroy my health just for such matter.
And yeah..I really did a lot of stuffs that is unhealthy at all.
so yeah...might as well try to keep myself as well as possible during this bad times you know..
I mean...how bad can it still be right...instead of making things worst by destroying my own health,
it came to my realisation that I should instead try to make things around me a little better..
hmmm.dunno...try first la..

at least I stop smoking d for now...which is kinda good I guess...dunno..

somehow the tea tasted better when the water is not that chalky.hmm.noted.

-tea-

Strabaparty + Schlachtplatte

So Yeah....

Getting ready for Tram-Party and Halloween Party...

I'm not really dressing up as anyone though cause I never thought I would be attending any party 

at this time.

but yeah,, will try to look the best out of it.

yeah!!getting ready and fired up!

And ta-da!This is the tram party. It literally means that we are partying on a tram.

Drinking alcohols in the Tram. As much as you like as long as there's still alcohols.

That is like the main point of my fucked up day later...the drink as much as you like alcohol. I'll get to that later.

Well I must say the ladies and the gentlemen are quite drunk and happy that day. But it was also soooooooo tight and lack of space....so I basically spent my time squishing around with people and ramming each other when the tram brakes. Alcohol spilling all around, people throwing up against each other and in the end of the day I vomit in a plastic bag. Five or six times. Can't really recall it. In short, was fun, but next time not too much alcohol again.

worst of all, I gotta wake up at 7.30 tomorrow to visit a friend in Nagold. I had such an extreme hangover that it lasted a whole day. But nevertheless, the trip to Nagold was unforgettable. The scenary is so beautiful, the hills are decorated with colourful trees dyed by the wonderful Autumn. Yellow and Red and Green placed themselves harmonically and well distributed, like a well-trained philharmonic.

And most of all, the most and utmost important part of this trip: Schlachtplatte!!!

It basically can be translated as, slaughter plate. And as you can see, it isn't something that the vegan will love. but still!! The liver sausage, the light brown coloured one, it was so thick and juicy and rich-flavoured. The spices that they added to the liver sausage was godlike, and as I squeezed the liver puree out of the sausage and mixed it with the Sauerkraut, put it in my mouth,

It's like a pool party in my mouth, where salivas, meat juices and deliciousness all fused into a dynamic body.

and the blood sausage, the darkest one, it is so richly spiced that I can't stop eating it. It brings the plate the whole body and spirit, and I just wanna hug it tight and tell it how much I love it. The little blood and meat fused together, enriched the flavour of the blood sausage. 

And the pork belly! Awwww the pork belly! It reminds me of the flavour of my hometown, the pork made by my mom, which could never be compared with the smelly pork I had in germany. DAT pork belly..The fat will actually melt in my mouth..and it tasted legendary even without any sauces. Last but not least, the Bratwurst. It is tasty, it is the Sausage of the sausages, and, it is unforgettable. I love it so much, I actually had a food-gasm. And I came not once, not twice, but three times!

And lastly, ta-da. Le huge house of my friend. Damn he's rich. And he has three rooms. There were like 9 rooms in total in his house.

And I end my day, with a cup of tea, becuz of that fucking heavy meal...

and a little missing you.

-Tea-

对不起

一杯温暖的咖啡握在手中。
烫手，却又很温暖。

过得很不好的这几个月，心中只有无比的寂寞感。
总觉得没人会在爱我，关心我了。
所以这期间，我什么都做，什么都干，什么都吃，什么都操，
只想把我这身子操得无比的累，这样一来，才可以麻醉自己，什么都不去想。

我懂，这样会让人担心。
却不懂，原来我最在乎的人，真的都担心极了。
原以为这身子是自己的，可以任自己搞砸。
却发现到，这样子的搞法，只会让真正值得自己关心疼爱的人，担心受伤。
对不起。
我对不起，好多好多的人。
我这任性的态度，
使我错过了许多我值得珍惜的人。

原以为这次我一定要好好把握珍惜我的爱人，不再错过了。
却才发现到，我没珍惜，真正值得我珍惜的人。
啊。。。就那么简单的关系，
家人与朋友，
他们是那么的简单，却又是那么的深厚。
那么简单的关系，却正是我最应该珍惜的关系。

可我却不懂。
却还一直挂念怀旧。
还一直对过去耿耿于怀。
更为了这过去，而作贱自己。任她侮辱羞辱，
只为了那不存在的过去。
搞得那存在的人们，担心极了。
原以为我的快乐来源，必须是来自于她，
却没发现到，快乐原来可以是那么简单，
而应该珍惜的快乐，就在我眼前。
决定权，也一直是在我手中。
我可以选者继续糟蹋自己，为了一个不存在的东西糟蹋自己。
或者是为了值得珍惜的人，
而展望未来，重新振作，然后抬起头，告诉他们，
我没事，放心。然后，我想在你们身边。我想帮助你们。
这次，不是你们来帮我，
我想站在你们身边。

在这之前，只想说声对不起。
让你们担心了。:).

那柔软的咖啡雾飘了起来，
它舞动着身子，不被这寒冷的天气所影响。
温柔的暖气，就像天庆老远的信息，雨欢那轻轻的劝告，
子庆那简单的思念，诗雯那友善的关心。

还有还有，大姐的一封信，
二姐那股冲动想来这里的心情，
妈妈那无时无刻都在担心我操累自己的心情。。
好加在她还不懂我抽烟，不然。。
担心死她了。。

呼。。。
为何要对那无情无义的人，还痴迷不悟呢？
连我身边最关心我的人都还可以侮辱的人，
没什么好挂念的。
我是单身汉。
今晚，我答应自己，我会快乐，
我会上一个善良的女人。

然后，我答应自己，停止伤害自己。
对不起，

给


所有我爱的人。

启
那咖啡与茶之飞

雪与雾

哒哒哒哒哒哒哒哒哒哒哒。。。。。

我快步跨步的走向火车的方向。走得越快，风也吹得越猛，
脸部与手足，都快被冻僵了。嘴唇上的冻伤，被这无情的冷风打了一阵，红透晶莹，
就像那熟透了的桃子一般。

这雨怎么下得那么轻却又那么湿啊：我心想。。跳上了那火车，终于都开了，也赶上了。。
心里也松了一口气。呼。。

看了夹克上那一株白白的水滴，才意识到，冬天就快来临啦。。

这雪，是场早下的雪。。

是老天赐与天下所有在秋天受伤的鸟儿们，

一点点的安慰。

心中的那一股痛，很奇怪的舒服了多些。之后的那几天，也睡得好多了。

白白的雪，绿绿的草。

这冰冷的感觉，要说讨厌，却因为雪的美丽，而顿时变得没那么讨厌了。一场大雪，我痴痴的站在街头上，轻快的舞动着我的双脚。白白的雪打在脸颊上，我转啊转，就像个婴儿般，为着那一点点的幸福而感到满足。一株株的雪落了下来，我慢下来，它也跟我慢下来。我加快脚步，它也冲着我脸撞下来。 原本就快落完的树叶，也随着这场大雪，无情的被吹打了下来，终于都落完了。

海得堡的河流穿梭在山群间，而山顶因为下了场大雪，又够冷，而形成了一片白白的雪层，
而位于山腰间，却还是那片落叶中的秋树们，红中又带黄与绿，五彩缤纷的自然美，就算是迪拜的burj Khalifa,也稍微逊色了些。怪就怪在海德堡的天气特冷，风又特别大，冷得我快冻僵了，就算是李白再世李小龙在生也没那情趣站在这冰冷刺骨的寒风下吟诗练武。终归一句就是冷。

可这次这冷冷的冬天，我心中却是那么热热温暖。<3 <3

---一杯---

My Tea

Ugh...
1:06am...

Headache and amnesia striking at the same time.
Hands keep stroking down on the keyboard.
ratatatatatatata.
Rolf rolf rolff,....weeeeeee........bamp!]\\
thousand of thoughts racing through my head.

and I made myself a cup of tea...
Soothed me...

good night world..

Tee

An Autumn scene with a dash of coffee

That's my dinner. 400g of pure sin, calorie bomb...
But it tasted heavenly...So nice that I'm marrying her as my wife...
I actually thought about it seriously whether I should buy it or not...
But screw it! Muahaha!
It's autumn. I'll need the fat to survive the coming winter. <Justified>

A tree outside my FH University. I don't own a DSLR, so the quality of my pictures might be crappy. They are just snapshots anyway. But I enjoy snapshots because it enables me to capture precious moments that might be lost anytime. Anyway the only thing to enjoy the most is the beautiful scenery of autumn, where the leaves are dropping and the workers are cleaning. I pass by this tree almost everyday, so yeah, my journey to my Uni became a little interesting than spring. But owh the winter....pains me to think about it. (Graffities on a school wall, that's Germany.)

I wonder if I could snap the same pictures in four different seasons...That would be awesome.:)

I took this because I was riding my bike while I snapped it. The cold wind of autumn blowing and drying my hand, causing fissures of blood oozing out from the surface of my knuckles. I guess autumn isn't that awesome as I used to picture it when I was in Malaysia.:)..

Nevertheless, I still enjoy the four seasons. The changing of the season makes the dull city a little robust,
just like a dash of oregano in a tomato puree and some sauteed onions makes a Napoli sauce a Napoli sauce, and not just, tomato pureeeeee...

Seems like my lecturer for machine elements has a grudge against artists and architects. I guess fusing art and engineering still requires some time eh. He kept making jokes about artists. Cuz, engineers need to consider the Tensions and Force exerted on a bolt, or a nut, while artist just thinks about how good does it looks.

Lol, had my daily coffee need after a whole day of busyness, and I'm good to go.
Oops, my coffee mug is empty. Time to get working and stop writing.

der Kaffee

Hola!

my new bloggey!
Started a new blog because the last one was a mess and unorganized with minimal design..was kinda boring.
Plus I guess this might be my new hobby so I was thinking to make it better this time.

I'll just start with a cup of coffee and a tea then. :)
A usual Tuesday class which stressed me out. At the end of the lecture, I can't even look directly into the professor's eyes. Thanks to my small asian eyes, he probably won't notice I'm dozing off already.

Back in my little room, I make myself a cup of coffee and ate nothing, since I'm not really that hungry.
Drank it at my balcony, and feel the cold wind breezing through my sleeves, while holding that warm cup of coffee.
That little cup of coffee in my hand, is the only warmth I get at this time of year. Would be better if somebody is sitting in front of me chatting with me. :)

Just a little cup of coffee, and half of my messes and stress are all gone.
I followed up with a series of family guy, then another cup of tea.
Once again, holding that cup of tea on my hand.

somehow, it feels right.
Then I just realized, fresh air is always so important to everybody. But I lived in Malaysia, and fresh air is not an issue, since the window is always opened.
But in Germany, it's so fucking cold, that I always prefer to shut it tight.
Fresh air, so refreshing, yet so cold.
Tea and coffee, are my two best friends, that keeps me going and surviving through this miserable autumn and winter. Leaves are wilting, signifying an end to everything that is going on in my life.

Still I like autumn. Somehow makes me looking forward for the coming spring, where life sprung back and the flower blooms once again. The wilting of the old leafs, gives life and force for the tree, nurturing them to survive the cold winter, and spring back to life when spring comes,with a much more beautiful look.

The mist spurring out from the cup of tea is fading away..the heat is gone.
Time to bath.:)

el té, y la café.