对不起

一杯温暖的咖啡握在手中。
烫手，却又很温暖。

过得很不好的这几个月，心中只有无比的寂寞感。
总觉得没人会在爱我，关心我了。
所以这期间，我什么都做，什么都干，什么都吃，什么都操，
只想把我这身子操得无比的累，这样一来，才可以麻醉自己，什么都不去想。

我懂，这样会让人担心。
却不懂，原来我最在乎的人，真的都担心极了。
原以为这身子是自己的，可以任自己搞砸。
却发现到，这样子的搞法，只会让真正值得自己关心疼爱的人，担心受伤。
对不起。
我对不起，好多好多的人。
我这任性的态度，
使我错过了许多我值得珍惜的人。

原以为这次我一定要好好把握珍惜我的爱人，不再错过了。
却才发现到，我没珍惜，真正值得我珍惜的人。
啊。。。就那么简单的关系，
家人与朋友，
他们是那么的简单，却又是那么的深厚。
那么简单的关系，却正是我最应该珍惜的关系。

可我却不懂。
却还一直挂念怀旧。
还一直对过去耿耿于怀。
更为了这过去，而作贱自己。任她侮辱羞辱，
只为了那不存在的过去。
搞得那存在的人们，担心极了。
原以为我的快乐来源，必须是来自于她，
却没发现到，快乐原来可以是那么简单，
而应该珍惜的快乐，就在我眼前。
决定权，也一直是在我手中。
我可以选者继续糟蹋自己，为了一个不存在的东西糟蹋自己。
或者是为了值得珍惜的人，
而展望未来，重新振作，然后抬起头，告诉他们，
我没事，放心。然后，我想在你们身边。我想帮助你们。
这次，不是你们来帮我，
我想站在你们身边。

在这之前，只想说声对不起。
让你们担心了。:).

那柔软的咖啡雾飘了起来，
它舞动着身子，不被这寒冷的天气所影响。
温柔的暖气，就像天庆老远的信息，雨欢那轻轻的劝告，
子庆那简单的思念，诗雯那友善的关心。

还有还有，大姐的一封信，
二姐那股冲动想来这里的心情，
妈妈那无时无刻都在担心我操累自己的心情。。
好加在她还不懂我抽烟，不然。。
担心死她了。。

呼。。。
为何要对那无情无义的人，还痴迷不悟呢？
连我身边最关心我的人都还可以侮辱的人，
没什么好挂念的。
我是单身汉。
今晚，我答应自己，我会快乐，
我会上一个善良的女人。

然后，我答应自己，停止伤害自己。
对不起，

给


所有我爱的人。

启
那咖啡与茶之飞

雪与雾

哒哒哒哒哒哒哒哒哒哒哒。。。。。

我快步跨步的走向火车的方向。走得越快，风也吹得越猛，
脸部与手足，都快被冻僵了。嘴唇上的冻伤，被这无情的冷风打了一阵，红透晶莹，
就像那熟透了的桃子一般。

这雨怎么下得那么轻却又那么湿啊：我心想。。跳上了那火车，终于都开了，也赶上了。。
心里也松了一口气。呼。。

看了夹克上那一株白白的水滴，才意识到，冬天就快来临啦。。

这雪，是场早下的雪。。

是老天赐与天下所有在秋天受伤的鸟儿们，

一点点的安慰。

心中的那一股痛，很奇怪的舒服了多些。之后的那几天，也睡得好多了。

白白的雪，绿绿的草。

这冰冷的感觉，要说讨厌，却因为雪的美丽，而顿时变得没那么讨厌了。一场大雪，我痴痴的站在街头上，轻快的舞动着我的双脚。白白的雪打在脸颊上，我转啊转，就像个婴儿般，为着那一点点的幸福而感到满足。一株株的雪落了下来，我慢下来，它也跟我慢下来。我加快脚步，它也冲着我脸撞下来。 原本就快落完的树叶，也随着这场大雪，无情的被吹打了下来，终于都落完了。

海得堡的河流穿梭在山群间，而山顶因为下了场大雪，又够冷，而形成了一片白白的雪层，
而位于山腰间，却还是那片落叶中的秋树们，红中又带黄与绿，五彩缤纷的自然美，就算是迪拜的burj Khalifa,也稍微逊色了些。怪就怪在海德堡的天气特冷，风又特别大，冷得我快冻僵了，就算是李白再世李小龙在生也没那情趣站在这冰冷刺骨的寒风下吟诗练武。终归一句就是冷。

可这次这冷冷的冬天，我心中却是那么热热温暖。<3 <3

---一杯---

My Tea

Ugh...
1:06am...

Headache and amnesia striking at the same time.
Hands keep stroking down on the keyboard.
ratatatatatatata.
Rolf rolf rolff,....weeeeeee........bamp!]\\
thousand of thoughts racing through my head.

and I made myself a cup of tea...
Soothed me...

good night world..

Tee

An Autumn scene with a dash of coffee

That's my dinner. 400g of pure sin, calorie bomb...
But it tasted heavenly...So nice that I'm marrying her as my wife...
I actually thought about it seriously whether I should buy it or not...
But screw it! Muahaha!
It's autumn. I'll need the fat to survive the coming winter. <Justified>

A tree outside my FH University. I don't own a DSLR, so the quality of my pictures might be crappy. They are just snapshots anyway. But I enjoy snapshots because it enables me to capture precious moments that might be lost anytime. Anyway the only thing to enjoy the most is the beautiful scenery of autumn, where the leaves are dropping and the workers are cleaning. I pass by this tree almost everyday, so yeah, my journey to my Uni became a little interesting than spring. But owh the winter....pains me to think about it. (Graffities on a school wall, that's Germany.)

I wonder if I could snap the same pictures in four different seasons...That would be awesome.:)

I took this because I was riding my bike while I snapped it. The cold wind of autumn blowing and drying my hand, causing fissures of blood oozing out from the surface of my knuckles. I guess autumn isn't that awesome as I used to picture it when I was in Malaysia.:)..

Nevertheless, I still enjoy the four seasons. The changing of the season makes the dull city a little robust,
just like a dash of oregano in a tomato puree and some sauteed onions makes a Napoli sauce a Napoli sauce, and not just, tomato pureeeeee...

Seems like my lecturer for machine elements has a grudge against artists and architects. I guess fusing art and engineering still requires some time eh. He kept making jokes about artists. Cuz, engineers need to consider the Tensions and Force exerted on a bolt, or a nut, while artist just thinks about how good does it looks.

Lol, had my daily coffee need after a whole day of busyness, and I'm good to go.
Oops, my coffee mug is empty. Time to get working and stop writing.

der Kaffee

Hola!

my new bloggey!
Started a new blog because the last one was a mess and unorganized with minimal design..was kinda boring.
Plus I guess this might be my new hobby so I was thinking to make it better this time.

I'll just start with a cup of coffee and a tea then. :)
A usual Tuesday class which stressed me out. At the end of the lecture, I can't even look directly into the professor's eyes. Thanks to my small asian eyes, he probably won't notice I'm dozing off already.

Back in my little room, I make myself a cup of coffee and ate nothing, since I'm not really that hungry.
Drank it at my balcony, and feel the cold wind breezing through my sleeves, while holding that warm cup of coffee.
That little cup of coffee in my hand, is the only warmth I get at this time of year. Would be better if somebody is sitting in front of me chatting with me. :)

Just a little cup of coffee, and half of my messes and stress are all gone.
I followed up with a series of family guy, then another cup of tea.
Once again, holding that cup of tea on my hand.

somehow, it feels right.
Then I just realized, fresh air is always so important to everybody. But I lived in Malaysia, and fresh air is not an issue, since the window is always opened.
But in Germany, it's so fucking cold, that I always prefer to shut it tight.
Fresh air, so refreshing, yet so cold.
Tea and coffee, are my two best friends, that keeps me going and surviving through this miserable autumn and winter. Leaves are wilting, signifying an end to everything that is going on in my life.

Still I like autumn. Somehow makes me looking forward for the coming spring, where life sprung back and the flower blooms once again. The wilting of the old leafs, gives life and force for the tree, nurturing them to survive the cold winter, and spring back to life when spring comes,with a much more beautiful look.

The mist spurring out from the cup of tea is fading away..the heat is gone.
Time to bath.:)

el té, y la café.