反正我也不理

心跳加速，学会了的事，那少人的街。

陌生的小巷，回头的刹那。
跳动着的树叶，滴答滴答雨水，

电脑呼呼的叫着，脚步声，盘碗声。

那潮湿的泥巴，沉重的书本。
腐烂了的肉碎，霉味很重的房间。
红青黄叶，冰冷的洋灰墙。
干燥的沙滩，甜而带酸的蛋糕。

刺痛的肌肉，高傲的态度。
智慧，以及兴趣。
感动，悲哀。

沸腾的茶，冰冷咖啡。

The Dream

It starts with a lovely wave...

Sailing through the sea....
It was cold, very cold. And I'm well aware of that.
It's so quiet but so loud at the same time.
Screaming and Vibrations slash through the quiet night, though I know it's still a still night.
Starry starry night. I feared that once I shut my eyes, the drama will continue. And yet by keeping awaken, the nightmare doesn't stop as well. Driven by despair, I decided to ran to that wonderland, once again.

The hole is deep..all I saw is void and calamity. and BAM!
It starts..

with a lovely wave...
on a ship...
with a thousand lobsters and a great buffet.
with the rich white man, and his loyal asian wife.
I dined in, feared that my identity as a foreigner is exposed.
They jumped in to the sea, which is reasonable as this is summer holiday.
Summer holiday??
well...seems like I started to blend in to this mess.

What I learnt at my job

A sound is comprised of a mixture of a lot of sound waves in different frequencies. Those we could hear are from 20 Hz to 20 kHz. So there are quite a number of frequencies in the audible range. All these frequencies are a single oscillation pattern of the particles, so each frequency is like a singularity.

Let's put it this way. Mr. 440 Hz is a hardworking man. He works everyday, never misses a single day, he regularly takes a vacation on 7th July till 10th July to Mallorca, He has a konstant pattern of life, and he's in the middle class of his society. He doesn't hurts, but it's really monotonous. A single frequency sound is what we call monotone. Have you heard a 440 Hz sinus sound wave? It's that sound that comes out at the 90s, when you switched on the TV's at the 90s, and the broadcaster has nothing to display anymore except this:

That's monotone. 

Now if Mr. 440 Hz meets Mr. 450 Hz, Miss 1000 Hz or many many other frequency, they started to form a mixture of tons. That's what we call sound. But if they all are just busy with themselves and doing stuffs their own in different phases and time interval, you have what we call noise. Cuz a noise comprised of tons in different phases moving in a random pattern. 

Now if they start moving together with each other in an orderly manner and in phase, each with their own role in each given time interval, that's when we have a harmonic sound. 

It's quite astonishing though in some sense because that's just how the nature and a society work. Everyone just taking care of themselves and we have chaos. Everyone helping each other and we start having a functioning society.

That's what I learnt at the acoustic lab.

Music

Yeah. It comes to this. I like music. Despite my horrifying lack of talent and taste in this field. But it's no crime to like something as long as I'm not doing any public performance or conversation with people in this field right?

I mean...It's not like I don't listen to music or dislike music in my past. But I guess I liked music just the way it is and how I perceive it. It's just plainly sensory and acoustically. And then one day I started to learn guitar. It was always been an on and off thingy, sometimes I learn it, and then I ignore it for another century before I start dusting out the guitar and play it again.

But since my internship started, I got my free time with still a portion of effective productivity time as well, so I go ham on learning guitar. At first it was all standard dusting procedure, like strumming randomly on some chords. Then I started with Ronan Keating's : When you say nothing at all. a friend taught me tho. it was all fun and stuffs. most of the time I'm just enjoying how the process of pressing those strings makes my finger tips painful and rough (masochist and sadist me ;) ). That feeling when you rub your rough fingertips is indescribable.

Then again, I enjoyed it too when I realized that in order to play the guitar effectively, you have to actually sing along to make the melody start making sense. It's kinda like cooking :D where you have all your fucking sauce and shits, but to make it all make sense, you need the true ingredients like meat or fish. And your singing is therefore the meat and fish while your melody from the guitar is the seasoning. No Chopin or Beethoven though. I just LOVEE things that when threw together works sweet and fine like cooking, machines and now music (I guess lol).

I love things that makes a good story. Like history, travelling, old people, old stuffs. So I guess a motivation for me to understand lyrics? hoho I dunno.

Tschuess und Gute Nacht.

父母爷爷的年代

放空了这么久，过了快一年一上的单身生活后

发现单身其实没那么难。

但也不会好过。

只是纯粹的不难。

偶尔看着一对情侣在亲吻，会想象着自己若是身在其中那该多浪漫。

偶尔看着一对老夫妇，会很羡慕那历经沧桑，成熟了的感情。

看着看着，总是会发呆，就想着，若是自己身在那年代，那该多好。。

那年代，他们没有哎风没有三松，可是生活比我们规律得多。

他们没有微信没有watsapp,可是朋友感情一样坚固。

他们穷，可是精神上不穷。

我们什么都有，却也同时什么都没有。

结婚，对他们来说，是个责任，是个付出。

我们结婚，要post上面子书给全世界人知道。

食物对他们来说，很重要，要尊重。

食物，对我们来说，要post上instagram。

什么时候我们的生活，变得这么的依赖别人对我们的看法？

为什么我们的一举一动，都变得必须让外人来观察审判，然后对我们做出一些对我们人生毫无意义他们个人说了也算的批评？也许是这新的名气时代，让我们成了社交网站的奴隶。

而我，告诉自己每一天，

我想要过的生活，是那充满意义的时代，

是那拥有信仰和原则的时代，

是那相信自己，并贡献和负责任的时代。

我知道我正一步一步的往那方面前进。

慢，比任何人都慢，

可是我知道我会抵达目的地。

所以，这单身嘛，也变得不难过。

也许我还没准备好自己。

一个更好的自己。

飞

流失

随着时间的流逝，我慢慢的感觉到那流失的一切。
日子就这样一天一天的过去，
而身边曾经很珍惜的事情，慢慢的也变得无所谓了。
最让我伤感的，却莫过于身边那渐渐离开我的人。身边曾经拥有那值得珍惜的一切，
随着时间的流逝，也变得无所谓了。
曾经在自己生命中困难的时候站在身边奋斗的朋友，离开啦。
就这样一个一个的，离开了。
虽然有新的朋友，伴随着的，却是失去。是不是每个新的来临，伴随着的都是旧的流去？

回往过去那属于我们的天空，现在看回去，也不过是回忆。
原来曾经值得珍惜的一切，现在都只是回忆。。

还留下来的，毕竟是家人。可家人人在马来西亚，也不能随时伴随着我，而更让我害怕的是，我的家人，又能陪我到何时呢？
最讨厌就是那失去的感觉。。从小到大就没变过。
妈妈丢了的臭枕头，死硬就是要从那垃圾桶检回来，心想那臭枕头应该也不喜欢被抛弃吧。
不知我曾经离开过的人，会是什么想法呢？

心很痛。。
这分手后的期间，最难过的时期，原来不只是被抛下的当下，
原来之后的每一天，那要继续强颜欢笑的过下去的每一天，竟也可以如此难受。

曾经认识要好的朋友，一个意外，竟把一切的一切都忘了。
曾经在一起的知己，在不知头绪的情况下，也把我从朋友当中删除了。
一直都认为是那一卦的朋友群，因为距离，也因为时间，被冲淡了，也失去了朋友。
当年的兄弟老友干哥，都因为距离时差，也不再在意了。
我有个朋友，他说，做人要知足常乐，不容易。
真的很难。虽说自己是要庆辛可以在外国念书，可是有时不免要问问自己，值得吗？
交了好几年的朋友，就这样被冲淡了。也不需要理由。
爱人更不用说，说来就来说走就走，不需要理由。。我开始问我自己，我，在干吗？

忙了一整天，最害怕就是这段在家里闲着没事做的事段。
对啦，我喜欢做好多事情。可当这种考试的日子一来到，我会开始彷徨无助。
有时会怀疑，到底，我走对了吗？

随着一杯咖啡一杯茶，还真希望它们这次能伴我走过这最难过的日子。这是分手以来，开始要独自面对世界的时段。一个人的世界。

Tee und Kaffee.

Work

I guess there's no need to work for now,
since I'm going to work soon enough?

After considering quite a while, I guess it would be wise for me to invest my time in learning some new languages and stuffs, instead of working. =D.

Yeah money is cool...
But I don't really earn that much either...
so yeah..I guess spanish is better